‘Let’s Not Put All Our Eggs in One Basket’ Says Man Who Has Never Farmed a Day in His Life

Team members said they are unsure of when or how Doherty will regain his authority in the office.

While working on a company project last Thursday, design team member Ryan Doherty suggested that his group “not put all [their] eggs in one basket,” despite Doherty never having once so much as stepped foot on a farm.

The statement, which was made by a man who has never herded livestock, plowed a field, or even sat in a tractor at any point in his entire life, was allegedly met with disbelief by other projectmates.

“I’m not quite sure I can listen to Ryan on this one,” said team member Emma Duggan. “This guy definitely has no idea how to milk a cow or roll bales of hay, let alone raise and care for egg-laying chickens. I just don’t trust his judgement as a teammate anymore.”

During the design process, Doherty also questionably stated that finding the right spring mechanism was going to be as difficult as “finding a needle in a haystack.”

“The haystack comment was what got me,” said team member Wyatt Holm of Doherty’s credibility. “[Doherty] just does not look like the kind of person who has rolled around in hay looking for things before. I mean, sure, he wears flannels every now and again, but this guy is far from being a rancher. If he’s going to keep pretending to be a farmer then who knows what other kind of qualifications he’s faking.”

“Just last time we were working, he said our projectile mechanism should work,” Holm continued. “He said it would be as easy as hitting the broad side of a barn. Has this man ever been in a situation where he might aim things at a barn? I don’t think so.”

At press time, Doherty had completely lost his group’s trust when he suggested to “not count [their] chickens before they hatch.”

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