According to a recent survey polling students aged 12 through 24, below average test scores are likely to be caused by having a dumb brain.
“We see an uptick in standardized test scores with people who aren’t idiots,” noted Garrett Freidman, the head researcher for the project. “From our data we can also conclude that poor test-takers, or those who perform below the national average, are just plain stupid.”
The exam used for the poll was designed to measure the entire mental capacity of the test taker through a series of standardized multiple choice questions. Students who scored in a failing range have lousier brains than those who place higher. The test is estimated to take 50 minutes on average, but can take up to two hours if the student is an idiot.
“We hope to take this information and use it to reshape our education system,” commented local superintendent David Brystowski. “Gathering this kind of information allows us to better cater to our students by distinguishing which ones have worthless minds.”
Some parents have expressed outrage over the test results, claiming the exam asks unfair questions. Local mother Martha Hayes commented, “These tests are rigged. There is only a single right answer for a question that provides four alternative answers. How are my kids supposed to know which one to pick?”
At press time, the nation’s fools had barely made it to the true and false section.
