Wingman Just Happy to Have Friend off His Hands

Moments after successfully pairing his best friend Elijah Carter up with the woman Carter had been eyeing all night, local man Scott Mendoza reported that he’s happy to “finally be rid of that dipshit” for the duration of the evening.

Mendoza, who had spent the last two hours setting Carter up for jokes, dropping hints about Carter’s successful career, and telling anecdotes about times when Carter had helped him out of tough spots, explained that he “couldn’t handle another fucking minute with that guy,” and was glad Martin had found someone with whom he could go home.

“I’m not saying he isn’t my friend and all,” explained Mendoza. “I’m just saying he’s an annoying drunk and he never shuts up. I couldn’t wait to get him off my hands.”

For Mendoza, the night progressed as he had anticipated. “Elijah bugged me to go out to the bar with him, and this sort of thing always happens. He sees a girl he’s interested in, he pulls out some truly embarrassing dance moves, and then I’m left to wingman. I have to pick up the pieces so that he leaves with her and I don’t have to deal with him anymore.”

Continued Mendoza, “It’s exhausting. But in the end, a good deal for both of us, I suppose.”

As for the girl with whom Carter left, Mendoza said, “That Ashleigh girl seemed sweet. Hopefully she’s too drunk to really pay attention when Scott starts yelling at strangers on the street on their walk home.”

Related News