Sources close to Heritage Foundation research fellow Benjamin Kramer report that, despite decades without quantifiable evidence supporting his theory, he is still confident that his father’s love will “trickle down” to him.
“I’ve been so successful in my career as an economist, and I’ve raised two beautiful children,” said Kramer. “Sure, I didn’t stay in the family construction business like Pops wanted, but some day he’ll see that academia is just as much of a ‘man’s job’ as building demolition.”
Kramer claims that because his father “commands so much respect” and “has so much love to give,” it is only a matter of time before some of that respect is transferred to others, like his “loving son.” Although the respect gap between Kramer and his father is as high as ever, Kramer remains optimistic that his father’s respect will reach him “any day now.”
“Data shows that Ben’s father has a much lower marginal propensity to love than the average American parent, so it’s simply unrealistic to act as if his love is going anywhere other than his cold, cold heart,” said Yale economist Rachel Bergman, a critic of Kramer’s theories. “This policy has led to nothing but insecurity and emotional instability for the last thirty years, and I see no reason for it to change.”
While Kramer acknowledges that he has yet to see tangible evidence of any fatherly affection whatsoever, the economist firmly denied claims that 90% of his father’s love was held by an elite class of more favored siblings.