Heroic Toddler Poops in Pool, Rescues Swim Team From Two-Hour Practice

Phillips reportedly peed in the locker room showers as well.

In a selfless display of poor bowel control, 4-year-old local hero Richard Phillips defecated in the Ann Arbor-Saline community pool last Thursday during free-swim hours, thus forcing a local swim club to cancel their regularly scheduled evening practice.

“I think we all owe Richard a debt of gratitude,” said Huron High School JV swimmer Jason Everly. “Without him, we would have had to spend two hours on a Thursday night doing excruciating sprint drills and kick sets. Those are two hours that, frankly, we would have never gotten back.”

While Richard was celebrated by the members of the Ann Arbor swimming, diving, and synchro community for “giving us our Thursday back,” there was little to no planning by Richard, according to sources close to the situation.

“Richard is pretty good about telling me when he needs to go, so it was quite a shock when he told me he just pooped in the pool,” said Lynn Phillips, Richard’s mother. “I thought people would be upset they had to leave, but everyone seemed surprisingly okay with leaving the pool early.”

“I’ve really gotta hand it to little Richard,” said Head Swim Coach James McBogherty. “My wife’s making my favorite lemon chicken tonight, and I’ll actually make it home in time to catch The Blacklist for once. We should all be thanking that brave little boy for having the courage, digestive trouble, or whatever caused him to do what he did.”

At press time, the pool lifeguards were being instructed to find a net and “fish it out.”

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