Board Of Regents Sick Of Schlissel Blowing Up Their GroupMe

Schlissel has been known to like his own posts in the GroupMe.

On Friday, the Board of Regents and several high-ranking University administrators reported they were exploring new communication options after President Mark Schlissel “totally abused” his GroupMe privileges.

“Eventually I just had to turn off my notifications,” said Vice President E. Royster Harper. “First we needed to know when we were getting together to tape his Welcome Back video with all the Deans, so he sent out seven options and asked us to like the ones we were available for. Then he kept asking me if I was mad at him when I didn’t respond right away.”

Harper said Schlissel went “way overboard” when he discovered GroupMe emojis, sending the Regents and administrators four “avocados” and several “thong butts.”

“I just discovered the meme function, where you can snap a selfie and then meme it. Everyone had a big hoot last night when I sent them a picture of a Diag squirrel memed to say ‘can I haz law degree’. Boy, was that a hit.”

Schlissel’s coworkers remain unimpressed by his attention-starved message bombardment.

“At this point, he has to beg us to watch his Vine links because he’s sent so many,” said Provost Martha Pollack. “I don’t need to see any ‘what are those’ clips again; Mark’s already acted it out at dinner parties dozens of times.”

“The Harambe jokes were funny the first few times,” said LSA Dean Andrew Martin. “But it’s been two months and he’s still posting memes about a dead gorilla.” Martin added that Schlissel had posted some funny images on the GroupMe in the past, but that those were stolen from posts that Regent Mark Bernstein had made on the University administration’s private Facebook page.

“I like it when my messages get the most likes,” said Schlissel, “and the best way to get the most likes is to send the most messages.”

At press time, Schlissel was changing the conversation avatar to a crudely photoshopped picture of the Board of Regents at the last supper.

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