Student Draws Attention To Charitable Organizations, Self

Reid, taking some time away from volunteering to shamelessly promote himself on social media.

Junior Carl Reid has been praised across campus for his relentless campaign to draw attention to several non-profit organizations and himself.

For the past year, Reid has selflessly used social media to engage his peers in charitable work, and inform them of his crippling lack of self-awareness and desperation to quench his starving ego with the attention of others.

Reid’s quest to educate fellow students about his unerring righteousness and relentless positivity has been furthered through posts of selfcongratulatory news articles, vaguely condescending statuses about world issues, and photos with his elderly “best friend,” Paul.

“Paul’s been great,” said Reid, “Both as a friend and as a way to force people to understand how much better I am than everyone else.”

Despite allegations that Reid has made no real contributions to any of the causes he claims to support, he remains optimistic about his mission to spread the word of his own unrivaled empathy and moral authority.

“You really just need to block out the haters and stay positive,” said Reid. “If I can reach one person, just one, and spread the message of what a good person I am, well, then it’ll all be worth it.”

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