Nation’s Bass Players Announce Plans To Look Bored On Stage

The nation’s bass players also announced their intent to walk around the stage for a bit and avoid eye contact with the audience.

Shifting side to side and looking out blankly past the audience, bass players in bands across the nation announced their plans to look bored on stage.

“Yeah were gonna go out there and give them all a show,” explained Tom Warren of the Front Bottoms. “I’ll probably bob my head up and down to the rhythm and maybe even tap my foot once or twice.”

The nation’s bass players clarified that they would look spaced out not only during the refrains and the chorus, but also during any bass solos they may have, should such an occasion arise.

“It’s exciting news to hear all these bass players planning to look entirely apathetic while performing,” said radio show host and music critic Wendy Rollins. “The audience has come to expect a certain degree of disinterest and we’re all thrilled to hear that they plan to deliver.”

“The last concert I went to was such a rush,” she continued. “The Foo Fighters were starting off their set with “Everlong” and the audience went crazy. Lights were flashing and Nate Mendel was just completely zoned out the whole time. They’re just excellent performers, really.”

At press time, the nation’s drummers had announced plans to be way too into it.

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