October Perfect Time For Sweaters, Reporting Decomposing Bodies Found Under Piles Of Leaves

A local resident basks in the colorful leaves and rotting limbs that are staples of the autumnal scenery.

With the drop in temperatures signifying the arrival of Fall, residents of Ann Arbor have already begun bundling up in warmer sweaters and scarves for walks outside in the park, where upon discovering weeks-old corpses, they will call the police and forensic investigations department.

“Fall is my favorite time of year,” said local mother Angie Williams. “I just can’t get enough of root vegetables, hay bales, and wondering how long I’ll have to stand in woods in the thickening darkness until the sheriff arrives.” Noting the overcast sky, Williams said she’s unsure whether to wear her cable knit cardigan or fleece pullover for her evening jaunt into the nearby nature trails.

Crisper October air will presumably give way to flannels, soft beanies, and the horrifying realization that under those branches is a human hand. October being the harvest month, local citizens can also look forward to the Halloween parade, trips to the cider mill, and the hours-long police deposition in a windowless office detailing the exact facts of what happened that afternoon.

With the changing of leaves, local students and families may also want to check out Nichols Arboretum to enjoy an amateur performance of “Hamlet,” followed by the unmistakably shrill screams of a young girl when she discovers a rotting corpse.

In the frantic chaos after the recognition that “they’re not moving,” Ann Arbor locals will presumably be seen in chunkier knits and plaid wools in an effort to insulate themselves from the brisk October weather.

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