AT&T Buys Time Warner Cable For $85.4 Billion, HBO Login Information

AT&T executives are reportedly excited about the lucrative compensation and ability to finally see if ‘Westworld’ lives up to the hype.


In an unprecedented deal, wireless giant AT&T has announced plans to buy out Time Warner Cable for a sum of $85.4 billion and access to their HBOGo login information.

The deal, which aims to synergize the massive companies’ access to information and distribution channels, is contingent upon regulatory review and whether Time Warner is willing to share its username and login with the mobile carrier. Experts are guessing that the buyout will raise questions over anti-trust legislation, and whether AT&T can keep the login to themselves and “not go sharing it with their whole neighborhood.”

“Everyone is always talking about Game of Thrones this and Boardwalk Empire that, and I feel so left out that I don’t even like going into work on Monday because I know everyone’s going to be talking about that Lena Dunham show,” explained Randall Stephenson, the CEO of AT&T. He later added, “this deal represents a step forward into the future for both of our companies. And I promise I won’t give the password to my kids.”

Time Warner executives expressed concern on the issue saying, “It’s not that we don’t trust Stephenson, it’s just that we’re worried that if we log on at the same time we’ll all get kicked off the site,” according to a recent press release. Whether the media companies will be able to use the login on multiple devices or just on the family desktop is still under negotiation.

An acquisition of this size has not been attempted since the 2011 merger of NBC Universal with Comcast, which valued NBC at $67.3 billion and the parking spot closest to the office.

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