I Love All My Children In Perpetuity, But My Mother-In-Law Is A Different Story

As the one true deity in the universe, which I created, I have unconditional love for every one of my splendid creations. Most notably I cherish humans, my children that I have rendered in my own image. My mother-in-law, though, is a whole different situation.

My sovereignty lays over my children and the fruits of their labor. Somehow my mother-in-law thinks it is okay to circumvent that authority and rearrange all of the furniture in the living room. I am infallible in my omnipotence and omniscience, but apparently the way I had landscaped the backyard was “all wrong” and had to be redone. I am infallible due to my divine nature, but somebody didn’t get the memo on that one. Though I am a benevolent and understanding God, I swear if I am told one more time that the children aren’t getting a good enough education at the Montessori school I will not hesitate to bring about another flood. My love is as unending as my existence in all things. But when Marcia pops in for a “surprise” visit on Sunday when I’m sitting back on my couch, that’s when I really know that I’ve been alive for eternity.

Don’t get me wrong, she means well. As the Lord I have everlasting compassion and forgiveness for all of the transgressions of my children. My kids are one thing; they’re great. What really tests my patience is when my mother-in-law talks as if I’m not standing right there in the room with her. Does she not get that I am everywhere at all times?

Seriously, I accept all of my children for who they are and what they do, but my mother-in-law really needs to get something else to with her time besides criticize my work ethic.

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