Musk presents his floors, which utilize decades of research into groundbreaking technology that ultimately does very little.
Stunning technology experts, fans and investors alike at his keynote speech on Tuesday, Elon Musk debuted the Smartfloor, a brand new digital floor-panelling project that will feature a myriad of futuristic yet ultimately unnecessary bullshit. Along with solar roof panels and the Powerwall, a digital wall component, the initiative marks the latest in Tesla’s line of innovative home products meant to arbitrarily digitize every facet of American houses.
“I believe the floor is the next unconquered frontier when it comes to tech,” stated Musk, showing off the floor’s mind-blowing but questionably unnecessary Bluetooth integration. “Just think of all the boundless possibilities right below our feet!”
According to Musk, the next-generation floor will feature touch screens, customizable surface displays, and a whole slew of other pointless features the company is sure will excite consumers everywhere.
“The Smartfloor was born from a mission to lower renovation costs and provide better heat insulation, but it grew far beyond that once we realized the potential for such a groundbreaking home revolution,” stated the Tesla CEO. Added Musk, “Years from now, people won’t even be able to imagine the burden of walking on surfaces that don’t have in-app purchases.”
Sources report that eager fans are already pre-ordering the floors in preparation for release day. “I’ve already started tearing up my old carpeting,” said early-buyer Timothy Polken. Added Polken, “The moment I saw Musk show off the in-house GPS feature that gives you directions to each room, I knew I had to have it.”
Though the revolutionary flooring is still months from release, Tesla has already hinted at future smart-housing concepts, promising they would include so many arbitrary circuits that “it’ll make Smartfloor look like a regular floor that lights up sometimes.”
