Grandma Doesn’t Even Bother To Inquire About Sad, Absent Love Life

Wilburn, debating whether it is worth it to ask Daniel about his internship prospects.

Despite everyone’s expectation that she would certainly broach the subject over Thanksgiving dinner, local grandmother Dorace Woodburn made no attempt to tease her “sad virgin of a grandson” about his lovelife at school.

Woodburn’s grandson, Michigan freshman Danny Stout, who has watched his older siblings be pressed for details regarding their sex lives at multiple family gatherings over the years, was surprised by his grandmother’s lack of interest in his own.

“I’ve always liked poking fun at Sarah and her boyfriend, or ribbing Ethan about the girls he brings home for the holidays, but Daniel, well, he’s a little special,” said Woodburn. “That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with him, of course not! It’s just that, well, there’s no way Daniel has gotten the tail of a single coed, and I wouldn’t want to embarrass him by bringing it up.”

“I mean look at him,” added Woodburn. “I’m skeptical that my little pumpkin can even talk to girls with that lame haircut and smelly sweatshirt he wears every day.”

Instead of asking Stout if there were “any pretty girls in his class,” Woodburn reportedly stuck to the subject of her grandson’s education.

“I swear Grandma was about to ask me if I had met anyone yet after going on and on about when my cousin was going to get married,” said Stout, “but instead she just asked me how classes were going and if I was still planning on majoring in computer science. I didn’t even know she knew what that was.”

“At least he’s smart. He’ll get some money down the road and somebody will marry him eventually,” said Woodburn, after Stout had left for the evening.

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