Obama Introduces New Sticker Chart Program To Increase Final Months Of Productivity

Chuck Schumer’s new internal revenue addendum has reportedly earned him two gold stars.

President Obama introduced a new sticker incentive program in Congress last Monday focused on increasing legislative productivity during his final months as president and fostering a sense of urgency. The program, for which charts were hung on the wall in both the House and the Senate with each senator and representative’s name written on them in alphabetical order, has received mixed reactions from Congress.

“It seems like a fine idea to me,” said Senator Chris Murphy, a democrat from Connecticut. “Yesterday I got three gold stars just for suggesting we plan a time to start discussing the new Supreme Court nominee.” Other congressmen, in response to the halting and strenuous progress made by Congress in recent months, have praised the idea as “befitting of our country’s dedication to achievement.”

The initiative, however, does not have positive reviews from all congressmen.

“This system is biased,” said Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. “At this rate, I won’t have enough stickers to redeem for extra congressional recess until January!”

Certain elected officials have cited a similar sense of feeling excluded from recent productivity initiatives, such as the star chart as well as a chore wheel for sub-committees. Other rewards from the star chart program include two extra votes on a bill, lunch with the Secretary of State, and even a day as president for those lucky congressmen who can work their way up to 100 stars.

“I believe the highly qualified men and women just need a little push towards compromise,” commented President Obama as he introduced the system. He later added, “I’m not afraid to give demerits.”

At press time, Vice President Biden was seen rummaging through Obama’s desk in search of star stickers to keep for himself.

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