Whoa man, don’t worry. We’re good dude, it’s all good here. It’s over, you don’t need to grab my shoulders anymore, I’m cool, man.
I know things looked real bad there, bro, but you gotta understand, dude, that other dude was the real problem. You should’ve heard the shit he were saying—hey man, I said you could get your hands off me, chill—yeah, he was the one. Me and my boys, we were really doing you a fav – hey, I just fucking said we were cool, man!
I’m trying to tell you man, if that dude hadn’t spilled his drink on my sleeve, I wouldn’t have had to shove him to the ground. You weren’t there dude, I wouldn’t expect you to – dog, I’m fucking serious, we’re all cool here, you can let go of my fucking arm, for real—understand? You can’t just go around spilling your goddamn drink on people who are trying to enjoy a party, you know?
This fucker spills jungle juice on my nice new Vineyard Vines shirt, and I’m just supposed to take it like some sort of bitch? Nah bro, not in my house – I mean, your house. And my boys always got my back, you can’t really blame them for jumping on the dude afterwards, that’s just what friends do. You know what they don’t do is grab chill guys like me by the arm, what the fuck, man? I’ve told you like a million fucking times, it’s all good here.
Plus I was talking to this total hottie at the time, I can’t just let some guy come up and disrespect me like that, you feel me bro? You could just tell I was gonna get some pussy tonight and then all that bullshit went down. I had to do something, you feel me?
Oh, that was your girl? My b, homie. Can I grab you a beer? No, you’re good?
Well hey bro, so am I, so why don’t we just chill out? You can maybe let go of me and stop guiding me towards the door? I swear to Christ, bro, we’re all cool here.
Is Greg here? I think I saw Greg in the corner, he can clear this all up. He lives here, right? He said he lives here. Let me just go find Greg. I was playing beer pong with him earlier, fam. You remember when that guy lost and flipped the table over while yelling? That was me, dude. Wasn’t that shit fucking hilarious?
Hey, what the fuck, bro? It’s just a fucking table, go buy a new one. And for fuck’s sake, I know where the goddamn door is, you can stop trying to push me there. Oh shit, is that the fucking cops? Dude, I’m getting the fuck out of here. This party sucks.
