5 Predators I Could Totally Take In a 1v1 If They Were Babies Or If I Had A Bazooka


Grizzly Bear – As long as the mother bear wasn’t in the vicinity, I could kick the shit out of a baby grizzly. Especially if it was particularly newborn. Piece of cake. If the mother bear was in the den with the baby, then that’s where the bazooka would come in handy – boom!

Bengal Tiger – Humans around the world (but especially the Bangladeshi) know and fear the ferocious Bengal Tiger, but when they picture this terrifying predator, they’re usually thinking of the 10-feet long, 700-pound cats prowling the jungle, not their sniveling, mewling kits that would be no match for my fists of fury or my rocket launcher.

Peregrine Falcon – Now these suckers are pretty fast, but I bet the chicks aren’t quite up to speed, so to speak. Especially if they’re too young to leave the nest. They wouldn’t even stand a chance, bazooka or no bazooka. But mostly with the bazooka.

Tiger Shark – Much like the aforementioned Tiger, the Tiger Shark is one of the most feared sea-faring predators. But give me three minutes in the ring with a baby one and I’ll guarantee I come out the victor – hell, I could probably take an adult one if the ring is on dry land. I bet if I had a bazooka I could take on a whole damn school of the fuckers.

Grey Wolf – It’s been awhile since I played soccer in high school, but if I warmed up I’m guessing I could punt a wolf puppy about thirty yards or so. Who even knows how far it’d fly after I blew it the fuck up with an explosive?

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