Allegedly Broke College Student Shells Out For Extra Chipati Sauce

Friends were surprised by Stanley’s ability to afford the luxury despite being late on this month’s rent.

Last week, area student Michael Stanley, LSA junior and a resident of University Towers, purchased extra sauce with his Pizza House cheesy bread despite claims that he is “totally broke.”

Friends of Stanley were reportedly bewildered by his purchase.

“How could a guy who always claims to be just short a few bucks be able to shell out on that stuff?” wondered roommate Jordan Barron. “He owes me a shit ton of pizza and beer money that he claims he’ll get to me when he can, that’s all I’m saying.”

Reports also indicate that Stanley has been behind on multiple DTE bill payments, venmo requests, and club fees, despite the lavish chipati sauce purchase.

“I know for a fact he’s still using my Netflix and HBO password,” said girlfriend Hannah Sigmon of the man who has split the check with her on multiple date nights. “I’m starting to see [Stanley] for the phony he is.”

At press time, Stanley had left the tip line blank.

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