Claiming that a good portion of the slice was still untouched, sources confirmed that local father Keith Patterson scraped fungus spores off a visibly moldy slice of bread this past week.
“A few germs never hurt anyone,” Patterson stated as he ran a knife across the face of a natural multigrain slice and into the trash bin. “Plus it’s only on this one piece, and look! The rest of the loaf is still just fine.”
The dollar loaf of bread in question had been purchased on sale just a few days prior by Patterson, who had mitigated skepticism surrounding the near-expired loaf by insisting they would just “eat it quickly.”
Sources close to Patterson commented that this was not the first time he had consumed questionable bakery products. Patterson had reportedly dipped bread over to hide an unappetizing side on more than one occasion, and had a reputation around his home for his hygienic backbends to avoid wasting food. The previous week, he had reportedly eaten leftovers from the previous month that he’d found while cleaning out the fridge.
“It would be a shame to let a perfectly good piece of bread go to waste,” Patterson continued, happily taking a bite from the toast to the disgust of his onlooking daughters. “Besides, I think some of these marks are just part of the bread. I’m no baker, but maybe that’s just what our does.”
Patterson’s family noted that, while they had reportedly come to expect their father’s culinary frugality, they still did not understand the behavior.
“I’m not sure if he’s just trying to avoid a sunk cost, or what,” said Susanne Patterson, his daughter. “But I guess it’s a pride thing.”
At press time, Patterson confirmed that the week-old deli roast beef still smelled “fresh enough.”
