Social Media Data About Todd Somehow Valuable

Todd is reportedly in a Facebook group for his alma mater, a fact that is useful for some reason.

Noting that there were archives of data about the 38-year-old tax attorney, tech giant Facebook confirmed yesterday that data about Todd somehow maintains a level of value.

“Facebook makes money by selling data about users to advertisers,” said Facebook employee David Walters. “We save information about what everyone views online in order to make money, including Todd’s.” Walters told reporters that while Todd is only in two groups about work-related topics and has only ever posted to express his relatively neutral political beliefs, they miraculously still and it worthwhile to collect and retain his information.

“Todd is kinda just a cookie-cutter guy,” Walters continued. “He watched most of Breaking Bad and listens to e Black Keys. He owns a Lion’s jersey but doesn’t seem to have gone to any games. Maybe we can try and sell him tickets to one.”

Other social networks expressed the same opinions about Todd, whose thirty tweets are almost exclusively about being hungry or tired and whose Instagram contains two family christmas pictures and one of a well- made salad.

“While it wouldn’t look like it, we are actually able to pro t o of Todd’s internet usage,” Twitter employee Jenna Marigold told reporters. “Whether his tweet is something basic like, ‘that nale, wow!’ or something vague and meaningless like, ‘that’s unexpected!’ Twitter still nds a way to use this info to display relevant ads.”

At press time, the company noted that Todd had downloaded Candy Crush.

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