Miller says he’s excited for the spectrum of grassroots porn sites becoming available through the expansion of media.
Following an election wrought with misinformation and fake news, experts everywhere have agreed that while the democratization of media poses a growing threat to our democratic system, it’s doing wonders for amateur porn caches across the country.
“I mean, of course it’s frightening to watch as the populace’s inability to exercise critical judgment is exploited to undermine our delicate system of self-determination, but I think we can all agree these amateur videos are HOT,” said Jeremy Miller of Harrisburg, PA. “I no longer have to rely on old-money institutions like Brazzers and Hustler to get me off, and that’s liberating.”
“Gone are the days of having to read within the limited range of rigorous journalism like The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, or having to masturbate within the narrow spectrum of big-budget hits like ‘MILF Taking It from Behind’ and ‘Slut Hotel: Part 1,’” continued Miller. “The world’s changing, and frankly I can’t decide if I’m more nervous or aroused.”
From coast to coast, the American people have voiced similar sentiments; noting that although the rise of citizen journalism brings with it a growing distrust of the intellectual elite – fueled by internet echo chambers in which even the most baseless claims are presented and accepted as fact – the amateur porn boom has been a welcomed consolation.
“Who’s to say James Deen and Mia Malkova are the only people who know how to have a good fuck, huh? You ever think they’re only showing you one side of what’s possible? There’s a clear doggystyle bias,” said Doug Fosse of Phoenix, AZ. “Now I can hop on xHamster and get the input of thousands of everyday people like me.”
Continued Fosse, “You just can’t trust establishment porn these days – fake tits, fake orgasms – the people are hungry for something real. Seriously, it’s the only thing that does it for me.”
Indeed, the amateur porn market has flourished in recent years; the ascent of such videos as ‘Girlfriend Loves Getting Fucked’ and ‘Hot Homemade Sex’ matched only in popularity by the confident ignorance of millions of Americans whose haphazardly formed opinions continue to be mistaken as legitimate.
“Clearly it’s a problem that my take on the Iran nuclear deal will be circulated as widely as the testimony of an experienced statesman,” added Matt Turner, a mechanic in Blacksburg, VA, whose Facebook post criticizing the pact amassed over two-hundred ‘likes’ Thursday evening, “but it’s great to know my wife and I can show the world a proper pronebone with nothing more than an iPhone and a free Youporn account.”
“Sure, it’s kind of scary that a major political party is undermining faith in subject authorities and conditioning its base to accept the unsubstantiated conjecture of bloggers as truth,” added Noah McGinnis, a teacher at Blacksburg High School, “But I’ll be damned if it isn’t nice to watch a middle-aged couple pant their way through a good pounding while the kids are sleeping in the next room.”
