Drunk Dinner Conversation Results In ‘Obvious’ Solution to Middle Eastern Conflict 

The guests reportedly wondered how centuries of scholars hadn’t come to such a simple conclusion sooner.

Following a beer-infused dinner conversation at local man Mark Wallace’s favorite restaurant, all five attendees reported that the answer to a long-standing dilemma involving the U.S. and the Middle East was “common sense.”

“So it’s obviously an ethnic thing,” commented Wallace’s roommate David Haber. “What we have to do is take the hostile minority out of the red zone, back over the Green Line and end the religious warfare. You’re done!”

In an analysis largely devoid of nuance but nevertheless “clear as crystal,” all of the highly intoxicated individuals took just an hour to decide that the U.S. should “definitely get boots on the ground” in Saudi Arabia. The group cited reasons such as the treatment of women and homosexuals in the country. They did not, however, evaluate the implications of air striking the inhabitants of Baghdad.

Dinner guest Robert Clerk admitted that while certain areas of the Middle East are rife with centuries old conflict and dependent on the U.S aid to maintain stability within the region, “we just need to get out. The solution is to let them all figure it out on their own.”

At press time, the host of the party was planning on preparing baked alaska, which she has never done before, but figures it won’t be so hard.

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