Man Whose Mouth Hot Cave of Garlic Ranch Wishes Girlfriend Would Shave Legs More

Following a dinner of chicken wings dunked in a garlic ranch buttermilk sauce, area man Steve Klein reportedly told his girlfriend that he’d prefer if she could shave her legs more regularly.

Klein, whose gullet is currently coated in pungent garlic dipping sauces, was hoping his girlfriend could take the extra time in the shower to make sure her legs were smooth to the touch. In addition, sources indicated that Klein suggested that his girlfriend “be sure to get the back part, too.”

“It’s not a huge deal. But like it’s kind of gross when her calf is slightly stubbly when we’re in bed,” commented Klein, who according to sources has not changed out of his sweatpants in four days.

Klein’s girlfriend, who shaves her legs on a biweekly basis, was saddened to hear that they were not adequately hairless for Klein, whose mouth odors had permeated from across the couch where she was sitting.

The spicy combination of leftover takeout and flavored ranch dressing has left Klein’s mouth an almost unsalvageable state of oily warmth. Klein, who considered brushing his teeth before settling down to watch a movie, decided it would be better to catch the highlights from last night’s game for a couple more minutes.

“Have you ever considered wearing your hair down more often?” commented Klein to his girlfriend before wiping the excess sauce from his fingers onto the couch, adding “Just a suggestion.”

At press time, Klein was adjusting his testicles.


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