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Line For Pizza House Made Up Entirely Of Jilted, Forsaken Lovers

Stating that every last patron had attempted to flirt with someone...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Public Safety Officials Angered By President Schlissel’s Leprechaun Traps

A campus-wide security alert was released last week following a...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Report: No One At A Cappella Concert Wants This To Be Happening

Reid also added that it can get “a bit awkward” being seated next...

  • Mar 19, 2017

CSG Candidate Praises Girlfriend For Remaining Steadfast During Heated Election Cycle

During a recent stump speech in the Rogel Ballroom of the Union,...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Child Excited To See Firetruck Rushing To Burning Apartment Complex

Barkley’s mother said he enjoyed seeing a real firefighter in...

  • Mar 19, 2017

The Every Three Weekly’s Senior Bucket List

  • Mar 19, 2017

Professor Worried He Not Doing Enough To Make Holocaust-Denying Student Feel Included

  • Mar 19, 2017

Local Woman Buys Snacks In Case Grandchildren Who Aren’t Yet Born Come Over For A Visit

Blier shopping for her unborn ancestors. Admitting that none of her...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Social Scientist Justifies Profession By Making Comparisons To Real Science

  • Mar 19, 2017

Typically Silent Classmate Has Violently Strong Opinion About Best Campus Sushi Spot

Though she has yet to formulate an opinion one way or another about...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Man From Suburbs Revels In Nostalgia For Chain Restaurant

Reminiscing with colleagues whose roots lay in big cities like New...

  • Mar 19, 2017

Health Inspector Deems Tables At Local Diner ‘Sufficiently Sticky’

Clark testing the table with his “tablespheric stick-o-meter.”...

  • Mar 19, 2017
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