Local Teenager Affluent Enough To Feel Misunderstood

King’s socioeconomic status has permitted him to spend time brooding instead of taking on an after school job to help support his family.

Citing a comfortable lifestyle, access to quality public education, and a premium healthcare plan, local teenager Alex King is reportedly affluent enough to feel deeply misunderstood.

King, whose privileged way of life for the past 15 years has left him with virtually no emotional baggage or physical trauma, claims that his parents couldn’t possibly have an idea of what he goes through.

“They just don’t get it,” remarked King from the library of his pre-war tudor home. He later added, “They have no idea what I go through on a daily basis and how tough it is to be a teen.”

“We are so happy we were able to curate a good life for our little boy,” Arnold King, Alex’s father, said. “Back when I was growing up, we had to work much harder to have the privilege of feeling like we weren’t getting the attention we deserved. For our little Alex, the most stressful part of his day is being disciplined.”

Approaching the final months of his eighth grade year, King has noticed an uptick in instances where he feels unnoticed or underappreciated by his parents and teachers.

“This behavior is normal for students who are getting three square meals a day and near-constant attention at home,” commented King’s homeroom teacher. “King’s small class sizes and individualized extracurricular schedule help to fuel his ability to brood during lunchtime.”

Although King has never done his own laundry, he claims to feel undue pressure in terms of academics and sports, and from his parents to succeed at the local prep school after graduation. King’s frustrations with his parents extend to their insistence that he finish his homework before going to a friend’s house, though they have been known to forgo the rule if he asks nicely.

At press time, King was planning on buying cigarettes with his weekly allowance, which amounts to more than five hours working minimum wage.


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