Report: No One At A Cappella Concert Wants This To Be Happening

Shortly following the start of a capella group “Octavists'” spring concert, sources confirmed that “legitimately nobody” at the event actually wanted it to be occurring.

Henry Jordan, vice president of the group, explained that the concert is put on every year to give the group the opportunity to show off the results of all of their hard work from the past semester.

“It’s a really nice concept in theory,” stated Jordan. “To be honest though, the crowd usually just consists of parents and friends we guilted into coming so even I’m not entirely sure why we keep doing this.”

Samantha Reid, a close friend of Jordan’s, explained that while she has attended the concert every spring for the past three years, it’s always been “kind of a painful experience.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be there for my friends,” Reid continued. “It’s just that everytime I go it usually ends up being an hour and a half of botched versions of pop songs and them laughing at their own jokes.”

Reid also added that it can get “a bit awkward” being seated next to parents during some of the groups “more provocative” songs, such as their cover of Britney Spears’ “Toxic.”

“I know they’re here because they love their kids,” said Reid, “but honestly they just look really scared and confused the whole time.”

At press time, the group was seen preparing for the second half of their show and thinking about how drunk they will all get once “this thing” was finally over.

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