Sources confirmed today that LSA student and procrastinator Mark Floyd has recently started procrastinating on things that he “actually enjoys doing.”
“He’s always been the type to put off his work until the last minute, but he’s also had boundless energy when it comes to fucking around,” said John Son, Floyd’s childhood friend. “Nowadays, though, he can’t even bring himself to do activities that require little to no mental engagement.”
“I’ve asked him to play Call of Duty fifteen times this week,” continued Son, “and every time he said he says he’s ‘too tired tonight.’ How can you not have the energy for Call of Duty? You don’t have to stand up to play!”
In addition, Floyd’s housemate Grant Hedlund reported that Floyd, an avid fan of the Showtime series Billions, hasn’t made time to watch the weekly drama for over a month.
“I used to be annoyed that Mark was always watching TV in the living room, but now he’s never there,” said Hedlund. “It could be pretty annoying, but it’s kind of sad, knowing that all those episodes are piling up in his DVR.”
Added Hedlund, “I’m gonna have to start deleting some of his shows if he doesn’t watch them soon, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
At press time, Floyd decided to put off his once routine before-bedtime masturbation session, promising himself he would “get to it in the morning.”
