Claiming that they were, “exactly what she needed,” to get her life back in order, LSA sophomore Karen Hale reportedly purchased a pack of five hundred index cards, despite the knowledge that she would never even come close to using all of them.
“Five hundred sounds about right,” said Hale, who, in spite of her history of complete disorganization, convinced herself that she would use the pieces of cardstock to make flashcards, create to-do lists, and write down recipes. “I can always buy more once I run out,” she added foolishly.
According to witnesses, Hale selected the five-hundred pack after thoughtlessly glossing over the smaller and much more sensible one-hundred pack option.
Hale’s index card purchase is just one in a line of many purchases made based on the fool-hearted assumption that she is actually capable of organizing her life. Sources close to Hale confirm that she has previously invested in excessive quantities of folders, binders, and sticky notes, none of which were used to their full potential.
“One time Karen came home with two staplers,” recounted roommate Lydia Yu. “When I asked why, she told me she wanted one for her room, and one for her backpack, in case she ‘ever needed to staple something on the go.’ Later, it turned out that she couldn’t even use either stapler because the staples were sold separately.”
At press time, Hale was spotted at a store liberally overestimating the amount of erasers that she would use this semester.
