Popular Professor Straddling Line Between Hip, Predatory

Bonforth encourages his students to contact him via email, text or Facebook messenger any time of day or night.

Balancing his sage knowledge of linguistic theory with a timeless charm, LSA professor Stu Bonforth is reportedly walking the tightrope between being cool and coming across as predatory in his intro lecture.

Acknowledging his popularity amongst the student body, beloved LSA professor Stu Bonforth conceded that he was walking a fine line between being popular and overstepping the boundaries of the student-teacher relationship. Although Bonforth is regarded as an academic leader in his field, he has reportedly winked at female students in the front row of his lectures.

“These kids are the future,” declared a passionate Bonforth. “We need to empower them, open their eyes to new ways of experiencing the world. I’m here to help them do that.”

Regarding some complaints that have been leveled about appropriate levels of contact between students and teachers, Bonforth expressed, “You know, I think there definitely needs to be a line drawn in the sand. I just think it’s okay to dip your toes in the water every now and then. Like I did with the Beastie Boys in the 80’s.”

At press time, Bonforth was graciously accepting the Golden Apple award given for outstanding teaching at the University of Michigan, which he would later mention four times in conversation in office hours with a student 30 years his junior.

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