After expounding his long- winded opinion on layered dip at a party last Friday, guests reportedly realized that local man Percy Richardson was attempting a standup routine.
“What’s the point of layering it if it just gets all mixed together anyway?” said Richardson, looking around the room trying to see if the material landed. “If one chip can do that much damage, then clearly these layers aren’t protecting much.”
Richardson, whom guests assume performed this routine in hopes of some constructive feedback, critiqued all aspects of the dish, explaining that it was too deep to functionally use, embarrassing that there were actually recipes out there for this, and it “should’ve just been nachos anyway.”
“I don’t see why people are proud of how many layers they get, either,” he continued in a statement that witnesses later said resembled a segue. “They’ll say things like: ‘check out my 14 layer dip,’ and, ‘oh but mines 16 layers.’ I’m sorry buddy, most of those layers were just sour cream, you’re not fooling anyone.”
The poorly received routine, which contained a bit about why queso and salsa do not deserve to be considered separate layers because nobody calls salsa con queso a two-layer dip, was told to a gradually diminishing number of party guests.
“It’s like, you could’ve shown up to the party with seven different dips, imagine what a hero you’d be showing up with seven things!” he added to a half-listening audience who neither applauded nor laughed. “But no, you just showed up with one real lousy thing.”
“All in all, the only layer we care about is the guacamole,” Richardson continued in an obviously planned and potentially rehearsed stage voice. “Thanks for diluting it in these other bullshit layers though, am I right?”
At press time, Richardson warned party goers to “not even get [him] started” on ice cream cake.
