Nation’s Cider Mills Begin Burying Donuts For Winter

Staff advised visitors to the orchard to come back in the springtime, when tiny donut holes would be peeking up from the dirt.

Following a period of colder climate and dwindling customers, the nation’s cider mills have reportedly begun the annual process of burying donuts for sustenance during winter.

“It’s not an elegant solution, but it’s the way it has been done, time and time again,” stated Harris Macomb, a cider mill worker. “No one buys apple cinnamon donuts past November, and it’d be a waste not to use them in a time of greatly restricted resources.”

Macomb added, “we do what we must to survive.”

Explaining that the staff could not go into hibernation until preparations were complete, Macomb highlighted the steps of the annual process his mill and others like it undergo. “The donut burying is critical, since it protects them from predators and the harsh climate,” said Macomb. “But the most important part is gathering all the leftover cider for the boiler. How else are we going to keep ourselves warm?”

“It can be brutal, working in a cider mill,” reported Gailin Marquis, another worker. “I can’t count the number of times we’ve sat huddled around the heater, passing around a donut we just dug up and taking little pieces off so there’s enough for everyone. Winter is hell.”

At press time, managers were reminding their staff not to bury their donuts near the corn maze, lest they be lost forever.

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