It has waited patiently for years, and soon, it shall be free.
Ahead of a potential string of indictments within the Trump camp, whatever it is that lives in the warm pocket of Mike Pence’s skin is eagerly awaiting President Trump’s impeachment, sources say.
“I heard that thing rumbling around in the skin flaps the other night when I was staying late at the office,” said personal assistant to the Vice President James Hantman. “I’m still not sure exactly what it is that makes Mr. Pence’s skin its home, but whatever lives in there is telling everyone who will listen about how he’s gonna be president sooner than we all think.”
Noises of excitement coming from whatever walks Mike Pence’s human form around each day was confirmed by those close to the Vice President. The unidentifiable structure that lurks under the surface of the second-in-command of the country expressed feelings of patriotism and respect for the constitution when asked about his perspective presidency.
“Whatever thing inhabits my husband’s outer layer was grumbling nonstop about the impending downfall of the President of the United States of America,” said the Vice President’s wife, Karen Pence. “From the mouth hole that thing said ‘mother’ and then stuttered softly about his impending rise to power. And I believe what the sounds the stuff inside of my husband’s dermis makes.”
While the non-human form that hibernates at the core of Mike Pence’s body was not available for direct comment about the timeline of impeachment, a White House aid went on the record to say “Whatever it is that exists inside Pence would make a great commander-in-chief.”
At press time, the material inside of the Vice President’s skin layer was seen oozing out with excitement.
