Family Likes Going To Restaurant For Complete Meltdown Every Once In Awhile

The family likes to go out on Thursday nights, when kids can have meltdowns for half-off. 


Reporting that “it’s nice to get out of the house together,” the Keenan family from Glen Cove, NY, reportedly like to go to a restaurant to have a collective meltdown every once in awhile.

“We like making each other cry over spaghetti and meatballs in the comfort of our home, just like any other family,” said mother Judith Keenan. “But every couple of weeks we like to go out to make a total scene.”

“Going out to eat is a nice break from all the effort making dinner at home can be,” explained father Dale Keenan. “It gives the family more time to argue about how many appetizers we’re going to get and less time yelling at the kids to clear the table.”

The family reports that the destination of their meal is not important, so long as the stakes are raised in front of an entire restaurant.

“Sometimes telling mom she looks tired at the dining room table can get a bit stale,” added seventeen-year-old daughter Kelly Keenan, “so going out for a fight really freshens things up.”

“Passive aggressive jabs lose their zing after a couple dinners at home,” she added. “I think it’s more about the ceremony at this point.”

The Keenan family also noted that going out for a public quarrel provides them more ammunition. Mrs. Keenan noted that she can ask her daughter “if she’s really going to wear that out,” while Mr. Keenan relished in complaining about “paying seven dollars for a goddamn valet.”

The family reports being excited over the range of new local restaurants they hope to try and argue in

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