Math Lab Tutor Helps Sophomore Confirm How Fucked He Is For Next Exam

He’s screwed.

Following a 45 minute session in the Math Lab in East Quad’s basement, sophomore Aaron Masten felt more confident in how fucked he was for an upcoming calculus exam.

“I went in with a few questions about integrals and derivatives, but I’m leaving with a whole new conception of how thoroughly unprepared I am for this test,” commented Masten. Masten hopes to major in economics but now “doesn’t think there’s a chance in hell” he will make it through the pre-reqs.

The exam will take place next Tuesday, and students are recommended to spend at least 15 hours studying. “I told my section to make sure to do all the homework problems and review the quizzes,” remarked Masten’s GSI Nate Harlow, “I don’t think Aaron’s even been to class in the past month.”

Although he considered dropping the class earlier in the semester, Masten decided to remain in the course and figured he could “make it up on the final.” Masten’s advisor suggested going to walk-in tutoring hours in the Math Lab where Masten spent two sessions going over the material in the book before learning that he would surely fail the test.

“The free tutor was extremely patient while helping me to understand that I am going to get fewer than half of the multiple choice right,” commented Masten, later adding “I just hope there’s a good curve.”

At press time, Masten’s tutor was recommending just writing down any relevant formulas on the exam and hoping for partial credit.

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