Poetry Slam’s Integrity Actually Preserved By Lack Of Audience

The group grew concerned after a group of four showed up.

Members of the U-M Poetry Jam team confirmed late last Sunday that the lack of audience members at their biannual poetry slam event in Lydia Mendelssohn Theater had in fact preserved the club’s integrity.

According to team captain Sonia Miller, the absence of any sort of reception “lifted the team’s spirits and reputation in a way that wouldn’t have been possible if people were actually there.” Miller was enthused about the event’s response, citing the lack of spectators as “fueling the subversive fire and confidence of our bold and progressive poets.” Club members were excited to stay relatively obsolete within the alternative poetry scene.

The unattended poetry slam “really solidified Poetry Jam’s spot-free status,” said Miller, crediting the “amazing” marketing team for the nonexistent visibility that made the self-affirming event such a critical success.

For freshman Monica Winston, the slam event was the perfect space for her to hone her, burgeoning poetic talents. Winston reportedly “found love and affirmation reflected back” in the vacant seats, adding that she was grateful for the opportunity to “express my art and speak my truth, uninhibited” to the empty theater. Sporadic snaps and affirmations were heard only from backstage, where Poetry Jam members waited to take the stage.

Junior Micah Steinberg was energized by the audience’s non-response, enthusing that “no one said anything mean,” but noted that he wished that “someone in the Daily or something” was in attendance to see him “absolutely kill it.”

Steinberg would later rescind his statements upon realization that “on second thought, maybe a writer for the Daily just wouldn’t have understood my work, you know?”

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