Despite spending over one hundred and fifty dollars on jeans, LSA freshman Alexandra Harris has found that her new pants are not sufficiently unflattering to get her in with her dorm’s art crowd.
“I saw that all the alternative kids in West Quad have the worst fitting jeans” commented Harris. “At first I checked second hand stores, but it turns out no one who donates clothes ever wore pants that ill-fitting. I really had to scour the internet to get ones where the butt is baggy but still has too-tight calves.”
After exhibiting her new pants around her hallmates last Wednesday evening, Harris was forced to assume that her new Levi’s dreams weren’t ill-fitting enough to garner friends of a more artistic ilk.
“Alexandra from down the hall seems okay. I’ve talked to her a couple times in the bathroom but I feel like she’s more mainstream considering her jeans give her the physical semblance of what society perceives a human woman to be,” commented Cassie Jacobs, who intends to major in screen arts and culture with a minor in creative writing.
The new blue jeans, which sport a low-hanging crotch and rips in the knee, were rushed shipped to West Quad in order for Harris to impress her hallmates.
“They always seem like they’re having a great time watching movies and doing crafts on the floor of their rooms.” said Harris, “All I can tell is that they have cool t-shirts and the most oversized, unattractive jeans they could get their hands on.”
At press time, Harris was searching for a sufficiently distressed Bon Iver poster online.
