3 Reasons You Should Get Married On Saturday And 14 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t And 4 Reasons The Fifth Season Of Arrested Development Was Pretty Decent
- You love this woman
You tell her that every day, dude. Do you think you’re a liar? Think of how beautiful she is, how supportive, how kind and sweet, and, hey, she’s pretty easy on the eyes too! You’ve got this my man. You can do it.
- You’ve dedicated yourself
When you proposed, you know damn well what that meant. You can’t go back on your word now, everyone would think you’re a total asshole. Oh, and she’d be heartbroken too! You know you want to do this, so do it!
- The tax incentives are substantial
Even if the other two points ring kinda hollow, this one should hit home. Plus, if you have kids, that’s another few dependents you can save a few hundo on come tax season.
- Forever is, like, a long time
Seriously man,forever? Like, until the end of time? Or at least until one of you dies, but that’s gonna take, like, forever!
- Yeah she’s great but is she the one?
You know you love her and whatnot, but is she your soulmate? Do you even believe in soulmates? You’re not that old yet, you’ve got a lot of life left to experience. Who’s to say you won’t meet someone better suited for you at some point in the next five years or so?
- Weddings are super expensive
For real, dude, this thing is clocking in at five figures. Factoring in the honeymoon, you’ll spend the first few years of your marriage working to pay it off, and that’s on top of your college debt and that bad investment your boy Jamie hooked you into. You might want to rethink this.
- Her dad is kind of a dick
Sure, he may not show it all the time, but he totally gives off that vibe. You know what I’m talking about. Like when you took him to dinner to let him know you were proposing and he was really rude to the waiter. Shit like that, you know? And he’s half her genes! Can you put up with that for the next 60 years?
- You did some shit at your bachelor party that means you probably shouldn’t get married
We won’t go into details here. You know as well as I do, my man. I seriously have no idea how you didn’t suffocate.
- Are you too young for this? You’re probably too young for this
I mean, late 20’s seems like a reasonable age to get hitched, but people are living until their 90’s nowadays. Used to be you kicked it at 60, so you had to get married young, but doesn’t it make sense these days to take a few extra years? Decades, maybe? Think about it.
- Are you even 100% sure you’re into women?
Okay, I know you’ve been avoiding thinking about this one, but you have to reconcile those Chris Pine dreams you’ve been having if you’re actually going through with this. Which you shouldn’t. Probably.
- She’s probably not going to be cool with you getting a motorcycle
I know you don’t really even want one, but do you really want to shut that door forever? I mean, they’re kinda cool, right?
- Just setting yourself up for a bad mid-life crisis
Your dad had one, your uncle had one, your grandpa. . . These things honestly run in your family. You know it’ll happen. Do you want to add a divorce to the fallout?
- Her laugh is kinda weird
It’s like, weirdly high-pitch and she snorts. It was cute at first, but you know as well as I do that it’s starting to wear on you.
- What if she gains a bunch of weight?
Christ, your shallow ass would be devastated. Just having that thought probably means you aren’t ready to go through with this. Christ.
- They started showing Michael in a worse light.
This was always kinda annoying in the original 3 seasons. If you look at it objectively you can totally see how controlling and obsessive he is, but they hide that by making you empathize with him more. In this season you can see how much he takes after his mother, and also how damn weird his relationship with his son is.
- The split perspective offers a fresh new viewing experience
It was a bit jarring at first, but you’ve gotta admit it spiced things up a little. Getting to see how every member of the Bluth family interpreted the same event gave us a feel for how complex and varied the lives of everyone around us are.
- Michael Cera gives a really good performance
He’s always great, and George Michael is the perfect character for him. The writers masterfully gave life to the role of an awkward college student struggling to define himself as an adult, which is something we can all relate to.
- Lucille II finally dies
We all hated that old hag. Good riddance.
