9 Out Of 10 Doctors Recommend No More Monkeys Jumping On The Bed

The tenth doctor suggests that one more probably wouldn’t hurt.


A new medical survey was released on Monday that concluded nine out of ten doctors agree, no more monkeys jumping on the bed.

The survey is released on the heels of an influx of calls by mothers to doctors detailing injuries suffered by little monkeys jumping on beds. According to estimates, there is high probability that jumping around on a bed could cause monkeys a bad boo-boo, or worse.

Physicians implore parents across the nation to prevent little monkeys from jumping on the bed as the action has recently been linked to said monkeys bumping their heads.

“In this day and age it’s reckless and irresponsible for parents to be letting these little monkeys jump on the bed,” said Dr. Kamela Hunt. “The only prescription we call for in this case is that no more monkeys be jumping on the bed.”

Some in the medical community argue that allowing little monkeys to jump on the bed is an essential phase of development in said monkeys.

Helen Chin recently lost a little monkey to a tragic jumping-on-the-bed related injury. “You don’t think it can ever happen until it happens to you,” Chin told reporters last night, “Promise me you won’t let your monkeys jump on the bed. I’m begging you!”

The medical community has rallied around this cause and are releasing public service announcements, local seminars for parents, and other anti-jumping-on-the-bed campaigns to raise awareness for the issue.

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