Area Man Doesn’t Really Know How To Buy Spices Or Vegetables Or Any Of That Shit

Tarsley struggled to piece together even basic components of anything resembling a meal.

Scanning the aisles of his local grocery store, local man Kevin Tarsley realized that he didn’t really know how to buy spices or vegetables or any of that kind of shit, really.

Despite having lived on his own for several years, it occurred to the 22-year-old that he had never learned how exactly one goes about looking for and purchasing certain essential grocery items.

“I know how to get the basics, you know. Beans, cereal, hit the coolers, get some eggs, milk and cheese, but all the other stuff is really beyond me,” conceded Tarsley, who noted that most of his meals were limited to three or four ingredients, max. “I eat cereal for breakfast, maybe have a sandwich for lunch, make some quesadillas for dinner. I survive, but I’m just not sure what else I’m supposed to be looking for.”

Tarsley noted that his roommate would buy spices, and that when he was feeling more adventurous in the kitchen and his roommate wasn’t around, he might experiment.

“He’s got the one dusty cupboard in the corner with all the ginger, and tumeric and all that shit, but truthfully I don’t know how to use any of that,” Tarsley said, adding that he wasn’t even really sure where people got those big bags of flour and rice that go in the wider lower cupboards, but was certain he wouldn’t know what to do if he did have them.

At press time, Tarsley was unsure if the avocado he was holding was past due, or it was ripe, or whatever.

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