Hey, I’ve got your food right here. Fish tacos, right? Looks good. But before I set this plate on your table, there’s something you should know.
This plate is hot. Like, really hot.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: if the plate is so hot, how am I holding it? The answer is simple. When I say that this plate is hot, what I mean is that it is hot FOR YOU. You see, I am a waiter, and I do not succumb to the same lowly definition of the phrase “too hot” that you do.
Don’t feel bad. I was once like you. But when you become a waiter, you evolve into a higher being. The journey to where I am now was not an easy one. The first few days were the most difficult. Lots of screaming. You would surely scream, too, if you touched the plates that I touched.
Do you know what the easiest way is to tell if someone is a waiter? Look at their hands. Any waiter worth their salt will have scorched their fingerprints clean off. Sure, it makes international travel difficult, but that’s a small price to pay if it means protecting the common man from the perils of ordering fajitas.
That brings me to where I am now, tasked with the duty of delivering your food to the table safely. My hands have been tempered in the burning flames of heat lamps and sizzling platters. I no longer feel pain, and this plate no longer poses any danger to me. But who knows what could happen if your feeble, unadulterated hands touch this plate? They could burst into flames! You could lose your sense of touch! You could die!
So be careful. Because when you deal with plates as hot as this one, you just might get burnt.