I Brought You Into This World And So Help Me God I Will Take You Out

How’s it hanging junior? My, you’re looking awfully chipper today. I heard from your mom out in the lobby that you aced your big history test. Put it there champ!

Alright, enough chit-chat. Before we begin, I want you to look at the left side of my waist. What does that look like to you? That sure looks like a loaded .44 Magnum pistol with a suppressor, doesn’t it? And it sure looks like I’m aiming it at your leg now. Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh don’t make a fucking sound or you’ll regret it.

I’m going to ask you a real simple question, do you think can you answer it for me? All I want is one good reason why I shouldn’t pull this trigger right now. Just one. Because in this moment, it only seems right for me to pump you full of lead. After all, I was the one that oversaw your birth here all those years ago, so it only makes sense that I be the one to oversee your exit from this mortal plane.

I mean, worst case scenario, what would happen if I laid waste to you right now? Sure, your friends and family would be emotionally torn apart, but no one in their right mind would blame good old Dr. Silvertooth! I’ll just chalk up your untimely demise to ‘complications’ and bada bing bada boom, I’m off the hook and your life is over before it even started. Do you get it now? I. OWN. YOU.

Okay, I’ll put the gun down. That was pretty scary, wasn’t it? I’d bet that makes this chicken pox shot looks a whole lot less scary now. Hold still, you’ll barely feel a pinch.

Done! Great work, bud. Now, can I expect to see you next year for your checkup? Atta boy! Make sure to get a bouncy ball from the lobby before you leave, and for the love of God stop shaking.

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