On a visit to his hometown of Grosse Pointe, MI last Friday, freshman student James Wittman was eager to report that nothing could ever beat the warm, soul-crushing burden of his parents’ expectations.
Wittman, an introvert who had previously struggled to find his purpose amidst the demands of transitioning into a large public university, reportedly “blossomed” under the watchful eye of his helicopter mother. Multiple sources reported seeing Wittman at “his truest, most authentic self” amidst the oppression and lack of agency afforded to him by his childhood home.
According to Wittman, the ability to “have every need, whim, and want dictated to me” by legal guardians would “significantly streamline” the process of making the transformative life decisions associated with coming-of-age.
Wittman would later describe the opportunity to be surrounded by “the wilted, dying hopes and dreams of my biological parents” as “an unending gift,” and relished the chance to be “enveloped in and inspired by other peoples’ aspirations.”
Wittman, who was unsure what he wanted to study, was excited to find out from his parents that he would be pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Economics as well as a minor in Applied Statistics. Although he surrenders all sense of privacy when he is with his parents, Wittman felt relief that there were two people who had a relentless grasp on his every move.
For Wittman, after a semester of feeling detached and isolated from peers, was looking forward to returning home to feel “the tender grasp of my mother’s hand on my shoulder” and “the moist air of my father’s mouth-breathing on my neck.”