Last week, the International Journal of Aquatic Research reported that there is evidence to suggest a strong correlation between attractiveness and “dramatically exiting a public pool in slow motion.”
The study cited, “decreased speed while crawling up the urine-coated steps of the shallow end,” as the most influential factor in one’s appearance.
The experimental group was tested against a control group, which exited the pool at what was deemed a normal speed. According to Daniels, the control group, “never even came close to the hotness levels,” of the experimental group.
“You see, according to year’s worth of data, slowly climbing out of a public pool at under 120 frames per second is just freaking sexy,” stated head researcher Gordon Daniels. “Maybe turn on a little 80’s rock in the background, and even zoom in on the water droplets sliding off the bathing suit. It’s hot shit.”
“The numbers really check out,” stated assistant researcher Keara Davis. “I never really thought of my friend Matt as attractive but when he stepped out of that pool in slow motion my world just froze.”
The research committee noted that getting out of the pool at speeds under 50 frames per second could lead to poolside loungers removing their sunglasses and biting their lips, however further studies should be conducted to verify the results.