Area Martyr Attends Meeting Even Though He Has Head Cold

Holland's stomach was also a little queasy, if anyone was wondering.

Reports indicate that LSA English junior Charlie Holland expected his groupmates to be more in awe of his fortitude after he showed up at a 9 PM meeting despite the fact that he was feeling under the weather.

“It was crazy, I don’t think I’ve felt that shitty in a long-ass time,” explained Holland. “I couldn’t breathe through my nose at all, I was totally clogged. Might have been experiencing a bit of hypoxia, even, just cause I could hardly breathe.”

In addition to the nasal issues, Holland was able to overcome throat and head complications in order to attend the group meeting.

“My head felt like it was going to explode, it was pounding like a drum. My throat was so raw, it felt like tiny elves had sandpapered it till it bled— every time I swallowed, it was like razor blades were going down my throat. But I had to push through, my team needed me. It was hard to get out of bed and start walking to the fishbowl, but that’s just the kind of guy I am. Always putting the needs of others before myself.”

The group, composed of four English 322 students, was grateful enough for their teammate’s presence, though anonymous sources report a “tacit agreement not to indulge his grandiosity.”

“We really just wanted to wrap this paper up,” said group member Amber Summerville. “It was nice that Charlie showed up, but honestly we were just working on computers in the fishbowl the whole time, he could have done as much work from home. The paper is almost finished anyways, we just took a half hour to proof together.”

“And besides,” continued teammate Logan Fitzpatrick, “if he really was that ill, shouldn’t he have stayed home? I mean, it seemed like he didn’t have much more than the sniffles, but if it was as bad as he made it out to be, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to sit next to him.”

Holland , oblivious to the extent that his group mates were unmoved by his sacrifice, made numerous references to his illness over the course of the brief meeting.

“I’m not trying to say I’m like, a modern Joan of Arc or anything,” said Holland, “but I could really easily have just stayed home and not helped out at the group meeting. I think that deserves at least some recognition. Maybe I’m a modern Nathan Hale instead. I mean, give me a little credit. I’m really sick here.”

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