Local Man Pretends To Wash Hands In Own Home

The man brushes his teeth with his index finger once in the morning and once at night.

Following a routine visit to the first floor bathroom of his Kerrytown apartment, LSA junior Peter Williams reportedly pretended to wash his hands in his own sink.

After allowing a moment in which he could have just as easily actually been dispensing soap into his hands, Williams turned on the faucet and counted to ten before turning the water back off in the privacy of his own home.

Williams reportedly ran the water in case either of his two roommates were within earshot of the bathroom.

The junior completed his ruse by rubbing his bone-dry hands on a towel to “cover his tracks.”

“I made sure I paid attention to all the details,” Williams told reporters. “Only a rookie would get caught not leaving time to pretend to dry their hands.”

After his initial comments, Williams sought to clarify his remarks. “I actually wash my hands all the time,” he said, clearly with something to prove. “It’s not like I’m some weirdo who never washes his hands, but who actually washes their hands every time they go to the bathroom? That would be like seven times a day. Plus, they get clean when I shower every day, so that counts for like two times.”

Witnesses later relayed that Williams was pretending to rinse his plate before putting it in the dishwasher at press time.

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