According to reports, Apple engineers have recently developed and released a new “heinously large” phone made specifically for “strong, sturdy, and stocky guys.”
The company has stated that the larger, more durable design allows its “big and tall” users to safely hold it with their big hands and slide it securely into their extra tall pockets.
“I’ve never felt adequately represented by Apple before the launch of this phone, but now I can say I truly feel seen,” said selfproclaimed big and tall man Matt. “With its humongous retina display and enlarged volume buttons, its never been easier to use for a guy like me.”
Apple also announced that the new phone will come stocked with a protein tracker app, the Pixar movie Wreck-It-Ralph, and an extension on the weather app that asks you how the weather is up there.
“We wanted to give our big and tall users a unique experience that welcomes their distinct physical features,” said Apple spokesman Todd Stevenson. “We’re just so glad to finally be releasing a product that even the biggest and tallest of men can feel comfortable using.”
At press time, Apple was still perfecting its ultra-tough OtterBox for ultra-tough men.
