Reports have indicated that South Quad resident Kirk Fletcher, who evidently has so many friends they are unable to fit at any normally seated table, would like to know if you’re using that empty chair next to you.
Fletcher, who needed to make room for his sixth friend joining him at the dining hall, reportedly noticed you sitting by your sad, sad, self and decided to “jump at the opportunity.”
Fletcher reportedly inquired as to whether “that seat was taken” and flashed a big smile before whisking away the seat in order to accommodate his seemingly perpetually growing party.
The group consisted of friends Fletcher has made in his hall, the same hall you reportedly live in. Before removing the chair, Fletcher kindly let you know that he would leave the chair if “someone was coming to meet you,” which you declined before insisting he take the chair, given that you would be eating in the enormous dining hall by yourself.
Sources have indicated that you would be left with two empty chairs instead of three, while all seats at Fletchers table would be filled with smiling and laughing faces.
At press time, a student organization asked you to let them know when you were almost done with that table, so they could push it up to theirs to make more room.