Even thousands of years after the fact, angels from all over heaven are still reporting feelings of betrayal after God, the Almighty Lord of Hosts, promoted his son Jesus Christ to savior of mankind.
“I mean, come on,” said Uriel, the angel responsible for telling Abraham not to sacrifice his son.
“I stood by His side when He created wasps, spiders, and even mid-video YouTube ads. You can’t help but think there’s at least a little nepotism at play here.”
According to Uriel, God “didn’t even want a son,” but just “wanted to give Mary a good cover story so Joseph wouldn’t find out she cheated.”
“I was the angel who literally killed every single Egyptian first-born when the Lord asked me to,” said the Angel of Death. “I didn’t even ask any questions. But some nobody gets to be the eternal redeemer of mankind? I’m starting to regret all those Philistines I brutally murdered in His name.”
In response to the complaints, Jesus of Nazareth asserted that his promotion was not “in any way connected” to being the son of The Holy One Blessed Be His Name.
“It’s not about how long we’ve worked here,” said the anointed one. “It’s about the ideas we have and the connections we create.”
“He always does stuff like this. He never listens to us,” commented Uriel. “Who was the one who told Him not to prohibit homosexuality? Me. And just how’d that turn out for Him?”
The divine assembly was last seen bringing its complaints to Saint Peter for review.
