Everyone In English Class’ Rough Draft Bad

The professor was praying for improvement.

After surveying a selection of English students from all levels at the University, it was discovered that every rough draft from every English class was shitty.

The survey, which was filled out at the last minute in between classes, showed that every piece of writing was not good at all.

“I guess I just didn’t have time to do this, I had a lot of actual required reading to do, and this draft isn’t graded,” said LSA Senior Marcus Smalls. “So I just made it half the page limit and added a bunch of paragraph quotes.”

It was also discovered that students apparently give “little to no shits” about reading the drafts of their peers. Ross Junior Shea Matthews stated he is “just in this class for an easy 300-level humanities,” and the possibility of an A+. Matthews added, “I don’t feel like giving constructive feedback on your research paper about the debilitating effects of late-stage capitalism.”

Tenured professor Joseph Shmirtz stated, “in general, these horrible drafts are representative of the effort students put forth,” later pleading with his class, “your final is only as good as your first draft!” in a last ditch effort.

“I only write when it’s game time,” reported LSA Freshman Lisa Smith. “I never cared about rough drafts, and I got into Michigan, so why change my habits now?”

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