Citing a near constant amount of shuffling and repositioning throughout the night, attendees of Mich House’s recent open house party have been able confirm that the entire event was one long instance of shifting eight inches from side to side to allow other guests to get by.
“I had high hopes for this night. The Facebook invite was so cool,” said freshman Dave Harris. “But what I thought would be a fun party ended up being an exercise in shifting oh-so-slightly every 11 seconds for three hours.”
“Yeah, I heard this party was gonna be lit. But the music was, like, all remixes of songs I didn’t know, and people kept bumping into me,” said Matt Belling, undeclared freshman who reportedly shifted a total distance over one mile during the evening.
The crowded party reportedly contained a dance floor, but witnesses were not able to confirm the location of it.
“I heard that there was a band playing in the basement,” recounted sophomore Jenna Ashford, “but just about anywhere you ended up, there were sweating people dancing.”
At press time, freshmen were seen at Pancheros telling each other they had a lot of fun.