Stressed? Your mom keeps forwarding you emails to pick up your cap and gown? On the verge of a crisis? Fear not, young astrology follower! Here is your comprehensive guide on where to cry based on where the moon was when you were born.
- Aries
- Bathroom on the ground floor of Mason Hall: Direct, assertive, and brave, you don’t give a shit that 35 people are cramped in this bathroom with you, watching you have a breakdown.
- Taurus
- Dana building commons room: Patient, stubborn, and down to earth, you belong in a spacious place that smells of microwaved lunches and 10 year old Nalgenes to really let your guard down.
- Gemini
- South Quad Dining Hall: Friendly, adaptable, and charming, you will just love letting those tears pour in a crowded social watering hole. Head towards the sad cereal section for more privacy.
- Cancer
- UHS.
- Leo
- The School of Music Theater and Dance: Ambitious, proud, and dramatic, you should go ahead and sob it out under the bright lights of an off-off broadway stage. Hollywood is just moments away and you need to practice pulling off a convincing “sad boy #2”.
- Virgo
- The Dude: Efficient, hardworking and focused, you should go to the smart people library. EECS seems hard and you deserve a good cry, so you might as well do it with all the other smarties.
- Libra
- 4th floor of the UGLi: Mosey on over to the libra-ry you sad, sad lady.
- Scorpio
- Your ex boyfriend’s front lawn: Intense, passionate and sexual, you’ve gotta work those tear ducts where it matters most. Win him back with your ugly cry face and unavoidable eye contact!
- Sagittarius
- Philosophy department: Intelligent, sarcastic, and philosophical, you better head on up to the 2nd floor of Angell and contemplate life itself while an old man named Albert tells you your argument is invalid.
- Capricorn
- In the warm embrace of your significant other: Responsible, focused, and reserved, congrats Capricorn, cry those tears of joy as your high school sweetheart drops to one knee on the 50-yard-line of the big house.
- Aquarius
- The Stephen M. Ross School of Business Winter Garden: Gregarious, future-minded and self centered, you better work that pantsuit and pretend to do group homework only to ball uncontrollably when Goldman Sachs says you’re too ugly for finance.
- Pisces
- Hot yoga in the IM building: Imaginative, sensitive and spiritual, go ahead and let it all out while you hit that downward dog, wishing you were born a coconut tree on Oahu.
